D2: DEVELOP VOCAL AND PHYSICAL PERFORMANCE TECHNIQUE, SHOWING CONSISTENT CONTROL, PHYSICAL EASE AND AN IMAGINATIVE RESPONSE TO CHARACTER AND RESPONDING TO STYLE OF AUDITION TEXT
D3: DEMONSTRATE EFFECTIVE AND CONFIDENT VOCAL AND PHYSICAL TECHNIQUE IN AN AUDITION SITUATION
Like A Virgin by Gordon Steele:
"No you go. I instruct I don't feel up to it, Maxine. I'm dying I state I don't know why, but I am. I don't know why I question I've been picked to have such a shit-awful life, what have I done that's so bloody wrong? So you can piss off with your lets 'lets play jolly' routine.I instruct With your 'lets pretend everything's alright and we'll have a laugh like we used to in the good old days'... Do you know something? [Pause] I've never had sex.I confess I'm a virgin. Yeh I know what I said, what we said but... well, they were just stories full of me, us, trying to grown up.I explain But I'm not going to grow up. I'll never grow up and be a woman and have children. Why me? Why the fucking hell does it have to be me? It's not fair. How would you feel if someone told you that you were going to die? Come on, it's not easy is it?I question you YOU ARE GOING TO DIE. You have got four weeks to live, what are you going to do? [Pause] it's not easy is it, and people are so full of understanding...so full of shit. "I'd go on holiday" "I'd travel." What is the point in spending your time in strange lands with strange people? So you'll have lots of happy memories and photographs to look back on? I am being honest When? I haven't got time, I'm dying.Honest What's the point in laying on a beach getting a tan?I question So I'll look good in my coffin? So people will be able to gork into my coffin with...with...tear strained eyes and say..."she looks really good Morbid sense of humour...she's the best sun tanned corpse I've ever seen"... well they can all fuck off. Sometimes I feel I should have dignity and write poems and raise money for charity an' all that...Be a symbol for people to look up to. But why should I? What has anybody ever done for me? AngryLook at you, you're pathetic stood there not wanting to say anything in case you hurt my feelings. Making excuses for me. "It's her condition...it's understandable...she's just a bit down." Well don't patronise me." I instruct you
"A romp through the bubble-gum years of teenage life. Angela and Maxine, besotted with Madonna, play truant from school, form a band, attempt to write songs and, with hairbrushes in hand, live out their adolescent dreams of becoming famous. Meanwhile Angela's mother, Vic, struggles to come to terms with her marriage break-up and her daughter's explosive lifestyle, as the play roller coasters through hope, sex, ambition, despair, and, most of all, love." http://www.doollee.com/PlaywrightsS/steel-gordon.html#33156
Written in 1998, the plays talks you through the life of Angela, a 16-year old girl, who looks up to her icon: Madonna. Her and her friend, Maxine spend a lot of their time trying to be like Madonna. However, despite the hectic lifestyle she is living with her mum drinking and breaking up with her husband, Angela has Leukaemia. At 16, I can only imagine this is something simply un-fathomable. The monologue is Angela being un-able to cope with it all. She tells us that 'it's not fair' which could imply both the cancer and her mum.
Leukaemia is a cancer of the blood cells, it begins in the bone marrow (which is the soft tissue in most bones in our body) The bone marrow is where the blood cells are made, and in particular the white blood cells which act as bodyguards in order to help our body fight infections. I began some more thorough research into Leukaemia as quite frankly, I know very little about it: So it is caused by abnormal white blood cells being produced; and because these are labelled 'abnormal' they can't do their job, which is to fight off infections. Unlike normal white blood cells, these cells grow and divide and eventually block off any other blood cells in the body. And without those normal white blood cells, the control of blood is lost, and the control of oxygen starts to deteriorate. There are many types of Leukaemia, and they are all based on how quickly the abnormal blood cells grown by etc, but it is not suggested to us through the play as to what type of Leukaemia Angela has. Even with just this basic information, I can already begin to see how difficult it must be to stay positive with such a disease. At the time of the play, 1998, medicine was heavily improving and still is today, however I can't seem to find information as to why Angela perhaps isn't taking treatment for her cancer. However saying that, I get the impression that Angela and her family aren't that well-off. Divorces are expensive, they had been acceptable for a long while before the the date in which the play is set, but they have remained an expensive process. Vic, Angela's mother, is currently going through a divorce and she also has a drinking issue. Drinking, again, is an expensive habit, and not a healthy one either. So technically we can only expect that Angela and her mum are struggling a lot with money, so which therefore suggests that they don't have the money for Angela's treatment? Which would make Angela even more angry about her situation, and poor Maxine has to be in ear-shot of it all at the time of the monologue.
As briefly mentioned above in the short synopsis, love is mentioned as a key theme to this play. Originally, I wasn't sure I could identify this by just looking at the play. However, I realised that, yes love was the key theme, but not in the stereotypical way in which we all expect it to be. Her mum is going through a divorce, and the main reasons for a divorce are usually a loss of love, whether that be because 'he' went and slept with someone, or you just didn't get along anymore; they all are forms of not loving someone any more. Which I have linked to the loss of love between Angela's dad and Angela herself. We hear very little about this situation, so perhaps they didn't have a good relationship in the first place. But with him leaving, for whatever reason (in which we don't know) the chance that the love between Angela and her dad will have dramatically been lost. In another sense, her mum has a huge love for alcohol and that's taking away the love she has for her daughter. It's becoming something more than just over-powering which leads me to say that Angela possibly has lost some love towards her mum because of alcohol. And finally, Angela has probably lost a lot of love for herself, everyone loves themselves to a certain extent (not in a big headed way) but shes now realised that her body is 'shit'. It's not working as it should and therefore she hates herself for that reason.
So although love was not the obvious theme in the stereotypical sense as we were all expecting, it still plays a huge part. It was an interesting way to incorporate love into the play, and especially hearing that its a play about a girl with Leukeamia, you would expect love to be coming directly from her close family: but really it's quite the opposite once you look into it more thoroughly.
Another huge theme of the play, is honesty. Steel has a extremely honest and although sometimes brutal way of writing, but its what makes it so gripping for the reader; because people can relate to the issues that happen in the piece. Divorce rates in the year in which the play was set in (1980's) had just seen an increase, it had now reached the thousand figures at about 1,182 people divorcing in just that one year. It still wasn't and still isn't seen as something cool to do but at the time it was becoming an ever more occurring issue. Figures had suddenly started to jump, for example, in just 1975, figures sat comfortably at the bottom of the thousandth figure: 1,036. In just five years, 146 people divorced; whereas 254,46 people married in those five years. http://www.infoplease.com/ipa/A0005044.html So his honesty in his writing really showed itself here. He understood that divorce was such a big thing in the year in which he set his play in and so therefore made sure to include it. I also think at about this time, people started to accept it more; because any time before it was looked down upon. So as it began to become something more acceptable, more and more people began to understand the process more so. And that includes the children in the situation. We can only assume that a divorce, back in the 18th/19th century perhaps, was kept well out of the way from the children. But reaching the more modern era, us children were much more heavily involved. We began to earn a choice as to which parent we wanted to live with (depending on the situation) and so we were much more aware. So Angela, once again, has a very honest way of thinking. Her anger spouts from both her condition but her parents divorce has just as much part of it. It is proven that anger is a high contender of feelings and emotions after a divorce- from the childs point of view. http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/healthadvice/parentsandyouthinfo/parentscarers/divorceorseparation.aspx The link above talks about the effects divorce has on the children in a wider sense than just anger, it mentions: "and most families in this situation come under some financial strain" Once again, Steel's very real and honest writing steps in. Angela and her mum, Vic, are now suddenly in a lot of money issues from both the divorce and Vic's drinking issue. To prove how honest Steel's writing is, statistics show that deaths due to drinking were rocketing in the 80's. If you look at the graph, although I understand that this is based on deaths due to drink driving, it still proves my point that drink was becoming an issue. We are not informed during the play that Angela's mum drives, but the meaning of showing you this graph was to highlight that alcohol was becoming an issue and as it begun to become into a bigger issue, more and more people were loosing their lives through drink driving which is a perfect link to an alcohol addiction.
Again this would cause much tension in the house we get to know during the play. Vic doesn't pay much attention to Angela whatsoever and again this is something that would make Angela angry. I begin to see a pattern in me labelling Angela as 'angry' and although she's not constantly throughout the play, there are many things wrong within her life, which lead to her anger. And I'll give Steel credit for taking the time to really understand his character (Angela) and to focus so much on her emotions, because as the reader you can really begin to feel for Angela and you understand her situation and I know I began to feel angry for her, because of her mum and Maxine and the alcohol, the divorce and of course the Leukaemia.
I think this is all why I have fallen so much in love with the play. It is so true. Everything he has included and gone into such careful detail about during the play, is all something at least one of his readers will be able to relate to. I understand that many other plays write so honestly, however this is something that I feel really relates to me.
I wanted to now run you through the reasons as to why I picked this monologue. So it took me a while to choose all three of my monologues, I wanted to get three that suited me but challenged me at the same time, but they all had to be ones that I liked. Very simply, Angela is of my age and I can only guess has the same sort of college, social and work stresses that I have currently. But she also has a really difficult mum, her parents have just spilt up and she is really very ill. (I would like to clarify my mum is wonderful and has been so very supportive and truly brilliant!!) However, I can relate to having your parents divorced. My parents divorced when I was four so I remember nothing of it, but it has had a huge impact on who I am and how I've been brought up etc. At the time, I was apparently quite affected, and even now, my dad is something of an issue on occasions. So I can only imagine the stress and pain of it all being a teenager and being able to understand the situation much more clearly. I can only assume it might upset your college life, social life etc and it's probably a really horrid experience in general. I felt as though I could relate to Angela here, I can understand the difficulties of it and I am also aware of what affect it will have on her when she gets a bit older.
In a less close-to-home situation, I feel like her disease is something I can very mildly relate to (Please note this is in no comparison as to the cancer in which this character has!!) But I used to get really ill when I was little and was diagnosed with a heart condition (nothing too serious) but whenever I was ill, it was always a long process and hospital visits after hospital visits. I could never understand 'why me'. I hated it. And it just didn't seem fair that everyone else was ok and didn't have these problems. And this is precisely what Angela is trying to come to terms with. So I get exactly what she feels like, despite the fact hers is 10x more serious and will lead to her death; as we are so informed about during the monologue itself.
Just in general, I feel I can really relate to Angela and I hope that will be something that can benefit when it comes to the monologue itself.
However, more importantly, I wanted to analyse as to how good this monologue choice was in terms of audition. Firstly, she is both of my gender and my age range which is always, always preferred when doing an audition. It is not accented, which is another thing they don't want to see at an audition. It's fairly self-explanatory, and by that I mean it's not one of those monologues that you hear and you just simply don't understand and you need to read it in it's full context. As the monologue goes on, you begin to understand she has some sort of condition that will mean she dies. So you can just know it's not the light-hearted type play/monologue. It has a punch to it, depending on the performer I'm sure, but with it's short sentences, it has a kick to it from the beginning. Swear words, I used to think were something to avoid completely during an audition, however if the monologue that fits happens to have swear words in, just use them correctly. So in this case, I will be sure to use them with as much fight as Steel wrote them, but not over or under use them as that was simply not what they were written in for. Same goes for all the shouting bits. They are really not meant to be over-used, otherwise it just sounds weird and it can very often be a bit too much on the senses for the auditioner's'. There are plenty of times that Angela shows her feisty side, which is a personal benefit in a monologue because I come across quite quiet. So it is a sort of method for me to show the auditioner's' that I have it in me.
It is a simple layout also. There is no need for props at all, nor is there need to really show where Angela is when playing her. The only thing is that you have to make sure you make it clear as to where Maxine is, on stage. But that can be done by just directing your lines to one specific corner. This is just as effective, and once again the auditioners don't want to see loads of props or you asking for someone to stand in as the other character because it really is just as effective and it shows off your flexibility.
As a progressive project, we had a couple of sessions with our lecturer to introduce our monologues to her and perform them and get feedback. Unfortunately, we never got round to performing all three of monologues, however we were able to work quite a bit on this monologue in particular. First of all, we decided to cut out one of the beginning lines, as it didn't make a lot of sense: "I've got to live a bit" It contradicted itself and made more sense if we didn't have it in the monologue. I ran through the monologue, not really pinpointing an area in which I should focus my eye level. Sally suggested picking a corner and aiming whatever it is I am saying, in that direction. But she also pointed out that it's not necessary to keep a constant gaze on that corner, because when we talk to people, we don't ever tend to keep constant eye contact anyways. She said that I can really mess around with the pace, and that I've got to keep it sounding natural instead of just reciting it. And finally, I need to build up the anger and make the last lines really powerful...as well as the shouting lines and the questions that need emphasis.
As briefly mentioned above in the short synopsis, love is mentioned as a key theme to this play. Originally, I wasn't sure I could identify this by just looking at the play. However, I realised that, yes love was the key theme, but not in the stereotypical way in which we all expect it to be. Her mum is going through a divorce, and the main reasons for a divorce are usually a loss of love, whether that be because 'he' went and slept with someone, or you just didn't get along anymore; they all are forms of not loving someone any more. Which I have linked to the loss of love between Angela's dad and Angela herself. We hear very little about this situation, so perhaps they didn't have a good relationship in the first place. But with him leaving, for whatever reason (in which we don't know) the chance that the love between Angela and her dad will have dramatically been lost. In another sense, her mum has a huge love for alcohol and that's taking away the love she has for her daughter. It's becoming something more than just over-powering which leads me to say that Angela possibly has lost some love towards her mum because of alcohol. And finally, Angela has probably lost a lot of love for herself, everyone loves themselves to a certain extent (not in a big headed way) but shes now realised that her body is 'shit'. It's not working as it should and therefore she hates herself for that reason.
So although love was not the obvious theme in the stereotypical sense as we were all expecting, it still plays a huge part. It was an interesting way to incorporate love into the play, and especially hearing that its a play about a girl with Leukeamia, you would expect love to be coming directly from her close family: but really it's quite the opposite once you look into it more thoroughly.
Another huge theme of the play, is honesty. Steel has a extremely honest and although sometimes brutal way of writing, but its what makes it so gripping for the reader; because people can relate to the issues that happen in the piece. Divorce rates in the year in which the play was set in (1980's) had just seen an increase, it had now reached the thousand figures at about 1,182 people divorcing in just that one year. It still wasn't and still isn't seen as something cool to do but at the time it was becoming an ever more occurring issue. Figures had suddenly started to jump, for example, in just 1975, figures sat comfortably at the bottom of the thousandth figure: 1,036. In just five years, 146 people divorced; whereas 254,46 people married in those five years. http://www.infoplease.com/ipa/A0005044.html So his honesty in his writing really showed itself here. He understood that divorce was such a big thing in the year in which he set his play in and so therefore made sure to include it. I also think at about this time, people started to accept it more; because any time before it was looked down upon. So as it began to become something more acceptable, more and more people began to understand the process more so. And that includes the children in the situation. We can only assume that a divorce, back in the 18th/19th century perhaps, was kept well out of the way from the children. But reaching the more modern era, us children were much more heavily involved. We began to earn a choice as to which parent we wanted to live with (depending on the situation) and so we were much more aware. So Angela, once again, has a very honest way of thinking. Her anger spouts from both her condition but her parents divorce has just as much part of it. It is proven that anger is a high contender of feelings and emotions after a divorce- from the childs point of view. http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/healthadvice/parentsandyouthinfo/parentscarers/divorceorseparation.aspx The link above talks about the effects divorce has on the children in a wider sense than just anger, it mentions: "and most families in this situation come under some financial strain" Once again, Steel's very real and honest writing steps in. Angela and her mum, Vic, are now suddenly in a lot of money issues from both the divorce and Vic's drinking issue. To prove how honest Steel's writing is, statistics show that deaths due to drinking were rocketing in the 80's. If you look at the graph, although I understand that this is based on deaths due to drink driving, it still proves my point that drink was becoming an issue. We are not informed during the play that Angela's mum drives, but the meaning of showing you this graph was to highlight that alcohol was becoming an issue and as it begun to become into a bigger issue, more and more people were loosing their lives through drink driving which is a perfect link to an alcohol addiction.
Again this would cause much tension in the house we get to know during the play. Vic doesn't pay much attention to Angela whatsoever and again this is something that would make Angela angry. I begin to see a pattern in me labelling Angela as 'angry' and although she's not constantly throughout the play, there are many things wrong within her life, which lead to her anger. And I'll give Steel credit for taking the time to really understand his character (Angela) and to focus so much on her emotions, because as the reader you can really begin to feel for Angela and you understand her situation and I know I began to feel angry for her, because of her mum and Maxine and the alcohol, the divorce and of course the Leukaemia.
I think this is all why I have fallen so much in love with the play. It is so true. Everything he has included and gone into such careful detail about during the play, is all something at least one of his readers will be able to relate to. I understand that many other plays write so honestly, however this is something that I feel really relates to me.
I wanted to now run you through the reasons as to why I picked this monologue. So it took me a while to choose all three of my monologues, I wanted to get three that suited me but challenged me at the same time, but they all had to be ones that I liked. Very simply, Angela is of my age and I can only guess has the same sort of college, social and work stresses that I have currently. But she also has a really difficult mum, her parents have just spilt up and she is really very ill. (I would like to clarify my mum is wonderful and has been so very supportive and truly brilliant!!) However, I can relate to having your parents divorced. My parents divorced when I was four so I remember nothing of it, but it has had a huge impact on who I am and how I've been brought up etc. At the time, I was apparently quite affected, and even now, my dad is something of an issue on occasions. So I can only imagine the stress and pain of it all being a teenager and being able to understand the situation much more clearly. I can only assume it might upset your college life, social life etc and it's probably a really horrid experience in general. I felt as though I could relate to Angela here, I can understand the difficulties of it and I am also aware of what affect it will have on her when she gets a bit older.In a less close-to-home situation, I feel like her disease is something I can very mildly relate to (Please note this is in no comparison as to the cancer in which this character has!!) But I used to get really ill when I was little and was diagnosed with a heart condition (nothing too serious) but whenever I was ill, it was always a long process and hospital visits after hospital visits. I could never understand 'why me'. I hated it. And it just didn't seem fair that everyone else was ok and didn't have these problems. And this is precisely what Angela is trying to come to terms with. So I get exactly what she feels like, despite the fact hers is 10x more serious and will lead to her death; as we are so informed about during the monologue itself.
Just in general, I feel I can really relate to Angela and I hope that will be something that can benefit when it comes to the monologue itself.
However, more importantly, I wanted to analyse as to how good this monologue choice was in terms of audition. Firstly, she is both of my gender and my age range which is always, always preferred when doing an audition. It is not accented, which is another thing they don't want to see at an audition. It's fairly self-explanatory, and by that I mean it's not one of those monologues that you hear and you just simply don't understand and you need to read it in it's full context. As the monologue goes on, you begin to understand she has some sort of condition that will mean she dies. So you can just know it's not the light-hearted type play/monologue. It has a punch to it, depending on the performer I'm sure, but with it's short sentences, it has a kick to it from the beginning. Swear words, I used to think were something to avoid completely during an audition, however if the monologue that fits happens to have swear words in, just use them correctly. So in this case, I will be sure to use them with as much fight as Steel wrote them, but not over or under use them as that was simply not what they were written in for. Same goes for all the shouting bits. They are really not meant to be over-used, otherwise it just sounds weird and it can very often be a bit too much on the senses for the auditioner's'. There are plenty of times that Angela shows her feisty side, which is a personal benefit in a monologue because I come across quite quiet. So it is a sort of method for me to show the auditioner's' that I have it in me.
It is a simple layout also. There is no need for props at all, nor is there need to really show where Angela is when playing her. The only thing is that you have to make sure you make it clear as to where Maxine is, on stage. But that can be done by just directing your lines to one specific corner. This is just as effective, and once again the auditioners don't want to see loads of props or you asking for someone to stand in as the other character because it really is just as effective and it shows off your flexibility.
As a progressive project, we had a couple of sessions with our lecturer to introduce our monologues to her and perform them and get feedback. Unfortunately, we never got round to performing all three of monologues, however we were able to work quite a bit on this monologue in particular. First of all, we decided to cut out one of the beginning lines, as it didn't make a lot of sense: "I've got to live a bit" It contradicted itself and made more sense if we didn't have it in the monologue. I ran through the monologue, not really pinpointing an area in which I should focus my eye level. Sally suggested picking a corner and aiming whatever it is I am saying, in that direction. But she also pointed out that it's not necessary to keep a constant gaze on that corner, because when we talk to people, we don't ever tend to keep constant eye contact anyways. She said that I can really mess around with the pace, and that I've got to keep it sounding natural instead of just reciting it. And finally, I need to build up the anger and make the last lines really powerful...as well as the shouting lines and the questions that need emphasis.
This monologue consists of a big need for projection. I have been working a lot on my projection and so I wanted to carry over my research and use it for this monologue:
However just before carrying out this projection exercise, I warmed up my voice. I used my favourite few vocal exercises. My favourite being the 'chew gum' exercise:
1. Simply chew imaginary gum, for a reasonable amount of time.
This, I find, really makes use of my tongue muscle, it warms it up as well as warms up my gums. When hugely over-exaggerated, it can help me stretch out my face muscles to free them up too. My other favourite exercise is running your tongue around your mouth, again quite consistently. I tend to dedicate a good five minutes to doing this, because then you can really feel the difference in the flexibility of your mouth. Both of these considerably helped with the emphasis I placed on my various lines.
'1. Find a piece of text
2. In a room, pinpoint an object in which you will be addressing your text towards
3. Deliver your text to this object, begin with a whisper, and each time raising the volume/projection of your voice.'
In a more abstract approach to this research document, I wanted to look into the lyrics of Madonna, specifically Like A Virgin. So Angela and her friend, Maxine, are simply obsessed with Madonna. Madonna really flourished in this particular era and it was very much the trend to dream of becoming just like your idol (you'd have a job if you were a fan of Duran Duran I'm sure!!) Steel tells us that Angela and Maxine are a fan of making their own music just like Madonna, with the same fashion choices and hair styles. (Once again, showing off his skill for such honesty in his writing.)
(For this, I chose the line: "Look at you, stood there, not wanting to say anything incase you hurt my feelings.") I focused my voice to the other side of my room (bearing in mind it is a very small room!!) I stood by my door and projected to the far wall. I began with a whisper, making my words whispy and soft and quiet. I then took it to more of a 'stage' whisper, which is actually considerably different in volume. The stage whisper seemed harder to maintain throughout this line, purely because you have to put more vocal effort into the voice compared to just a normal whisper. I then spoke the line at my normal speaking voice, which is possibly quieter than perhaps what you could label a 'medium volume'. This felt more than natural, as was expected. Although, I did notice I spoke slightly quicker than I had done for the whispered voice. I think this is because I had slipped into my normal speaking habit because I had reached my normal speaking volume. I couldn't label my next volume, but it was perhaps the preferred stage voice for me: think one up from my natural speaking volume. I found this one the trickiest because it felt so unnatural for me (I shall explain more when I get to the next 'volume') But it just felt weird for me to be speaking at a slightly more raised volume. I tried out more lines at this volume, to experiment a bit with it. My conclusion is that because I feel uncomfortable at this volume, I have yet to teach myself to slip into it whenever in rehearsals or on stage.
The final volume is the level I want to reach when playing Angela. Surprisingly, I find this easiest. Still stood at the other side of my room, focussing all my voice into the corner of my room, this felt quite natural to me. I have a feeling this is because every time I go in to play Angela, I have to hype myself up a bit, and so then when I'm on stage, I can be really quite loud and silly, and for me that kind of knocks my low confidence out of the water. However in terms of voice, I think where I have been working a lot on my projection, for the above reasons, recently it suddenly felt really natural for me-despite the fact I was only doing this as a simple vocal exercise.
In terms of the actual exercise I was experimenting with, it was a clever way to help me vocally reach the volume that I needed to reach. It allowed me to observe my voice through my vocal range, and as I raised the volume it felt so much easier for my voice when I reached the preferred volume for the angry bits in the monologue.
And as you may have already guessed, the plays name comes after one of Madonna's most famous songs: 'Like A Virgin'. http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/madonna/likeavirgin.html
I made it through the wilderness
Somehow I made it through
Didn't know how lost I was
Until I found you
I was beat incomplete
I'd been had, I was sad and blue
But you made me feel
Yeah, you made me feel
Shiny and new
[Chorus]
Like a virgin
Touched for the very first time
Like a virgin
When your heart beats
Next to mine
Gonna give you all my love, boy
My fear is fading fast
Been saving it all for you
'Cause only love can last
You're so fine and you're mine
Make me strong, yeah you make me bold
Oh your love thawed out
Yeah, your love thawed out
What was scared and cold
[Chorus]
Oooh, oooh, oooh
You're so fine and you're mine
I'll be yours 'till the end of time
'Cause you made me feel
Yeah, you made me feel
I've nothing to hide
[Chorus]
Like a virgin, ooh, ooh
Like a virgin
Feels so good inside
When you hold me, and your heart beats and you love me
oh, oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Ooh baby
Can't you hear my heart beat
For the very first time?
(I am linking the lyrics to the life of Angela during the play, obviously it probably has no relevance at all, but it's a unique method of research but just take it all with a pinch of salt.)
The very first lyric, ' I made it through the wilderness, somehow I made it through' seems a good place for me to start. It makes out that she's had more issues before we are introduced to her. However, although she had issues before hand, 'she made it through the wilderness'. We could assume that the issue is nothing that has a mention during the play because it says that 'somehow she made it through' which implies that whatever it was, it's in the past now.
'Didn't know how lost I was, until I found you' I think this could very much link to her, now, huge love for Madonna. Yes it sounds a bit cheesy and dramatic, but we now understand that she had issues before the play, she was 'lost' but now she 'found' Madonna, she realised how 'lost' she really was. At that age, we all had a love for someone famous whether it be a musician or an actor etc (mine was One Direction) and some people really do begin to find and understand themselves with thanks to the influence there role model had on them (I have no relation to this, I just fancied the One Direction boys, that was all!!) And because Angela had problems before we met her, as the readers, Madonna possibly helped her in some sense.
'My fear is fading' I haven't mentioned much of Angela's condition, despite the fact that the monologue is all about it but that's because although it is a massive, massive theme to the play, perhaps her nerves about it are 'fading'. I can perhaps only assume, that you possibly begin to adjust to such news. "What's the point in spending your time in strange places with strange people" this quote from the monologue makes me assume that she is past caring now. She understands that she's dying, and although there is definitely still a lot of anger and worry there, perhaps her 'fear is fading'?
Like I said, it most probably has no link to the storyline of the play but it was simply a more abstract approach to research, and it obviously has had some effects on how Steel has created Angela due to the fact she is in love with Madonna but also because of the matching titles.
A lot of this monologue is about accessing the anger that has been rising in Angela for so long, but like my Mrs Loveit situation, I don't feel like I can access this well which is where I think I am loosing out. Looking back on my performance of this monologue, I could tell I clearly wasn't angry enough. I think I have to picture myself in Angela's situation and think of the possible outcomes of me knowing 'I am going to die' etc beforehand, to really wind myself up. Its definitely a hard monologue to relate to but you understand a lot about Angela through just this short piece, which I think has helped me begin to understand her situation, but it's about me portraying all of what I can understand into just a short piece of text and push all this emotion onto the audience.
Character profile:
(I feel as though I have included a lot of research in the above blog that would be necessary in my character profile so this is just a short summary. Also where it's just a monologue, it's hard to have such an in-depth profile about Angela despite the fact that I have read the script.)
Angela is 16. 16 and truly in love with Madonna. She is quite the feisty character, she won't hold back on her opinions, which I guess is both a good and bad thing about her character. She doesn't have many people to surround herself by. She has her mum, Vic, an alcoholic and current-divorcee, her dad has just left and her friend Maxine, whom we don't really know an awful lot about, apart from the fact she is also in love with Madonna. Apart from that we don't hear about many other people, which makes me think she is possibly really quite lonely, and her cancer won't help much. Most of the information under this character profile is of my own independent thoughts and ideas about Angela as I didn't feel as though I found much about her from the play itself.
She is young, and going through everything a normal teenage is going through in terms of popularity and socially however she has a lot more going on for her. She is diagnosed with Leukaemia. This is not something you expect at the age of 16. And it goes against everything normal in her life. To me she seems like a very angry person, but that's all down to how shit her life is. She's struggling, and her struggle is very much in silence. Her mum is an alcoholic and is really quite hard work. She pays very little attention to her daughter and even more so now because she knows she has Leukaemia. Her dad has just left her and her mum and they are in quite serious money problems. Her anger is very clear in the monologue, it features a lot of shouting and she takes this all out on her friend Maxine who is also stood in Angela's bedroom at the time. Angela is kind, we can see this, and we can also see through this nastiness that she portrays during the monologue because Steel has done such a good job at making us understand Angela and we begin to understand her anger- once again the key theme of 'honesty'.
She is fed up and frustrated with it all which is something we can clearly see in the monologue. Its annoying for her and she feels as though she can't do anything-'what's the point? ... I'm dying' But she also feels like she can't help her mum with neither the drinking or the money. She is going to die, so we can assume that she is worrying. Worrying about how her mum is going to cope when she does die. All these are things that a teenage girl shouldn't be worrying about.
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